What I have learned (so far) as a parent of high school athletes

I offer you the following thoughts, and hope that they prove to be useful during your journey as the parent of a high school athlete. These are all based upon my observations as well as my personal experiences after having several children participate in many years of rec, club, and high school sports. I sincerely appreciate the experiences my children have had through sports and the lifelong friendships we all have garnered. Their participation in sports has taught them (and me) many, many more life skills beyond "the game," such as organizational skills, time management, dedication, honesty and fairness. The following ideas are for your consideration; this is a work in progress so please feel free to add your own observations.

Enjoy the whole experience, it goes by quickly and then what are you going to do?!

A positive attitude in me breeds a positive attitude in my child. Conversely, contempt breeds contempt.

Respect is an earned privilege, not a guarantee. I am helping my child’s growth as a person and as an athlete when teaching them how to respect their teammates and coaches.

Encouraging my child to be a good role model to their peers, especially to their younger peers, will come back to them ten-fold.

Most high school sports are team sports, not individual sports, and it is my child who is participating, not me.

My role as a parent is to be supportive: supportive of my child, supportive of the coaches, and supportive of the team. This enhances my child's experience and helps them to become a better person.

The response to “How was practice?” can change drastically between exiting the sports venue and arriving back home. I have no idea how my child interacted with the coach at practice or what kind of effort they put into practice (or even if they showed up to practice) unless I was there, and sometimes even when I am there watching, I don’t see or hear everything that’s going on.

Not all high school athletes want to be college athletes. If the expectation is big college scholarship money, after dues, assessment fees, travel costs, banquets, donations, etc, 99% of the time, it works out to be more cost effective to have searched out a good investment banker. The reason I have heard about some athletes getting "full rides" is because it is very uncommon. It is highly likely that the first paycheck my child will receive out of college will have nothing to do with sports and everything to do with the college they chose and how well they did in school.

Sports are not the “be all to end all”. First, I want to steer my child in the right direction through their turbulent high school years. Then I want to know that they have good role models in these coaches to whom they can turn when (seldom if) they need to bend a responsible, adult ear who's heard it all before and knows how to help my child get through a tough time.

It is wonderful for athletes to feel comfortable in being able to come back and reminisce with the coaches about their high school years, when they were young and sometimes "stupid"!

Speak kindly of teammates, parents and coaches. Negativity will come back to me (usually accentuated)! The parents of athletes are a tight knit group of chatty people.

Teenagers relish conflict and drama. As difficult as it can be, I need to take a deep breath, try to keep a level head, and look at the big picture - then teach my child to do the same.

When I have a complaint or concern, it does not work to go over anyone’s head (especially the coach’s), and it also does not work to send out an onslaught of emails or to gripe to other parents on the team. These, too, will come back to haunt me.

The day WILL come when my child is no longer playing this sport and they will have moved on to a different chapter of their life. I will need to find my own new chapters, too.

Every one of us wants to see our child's name in the newspaper!

The “starters” have also spent their time on the bench.

My child has a completely different combination of strengths and weaknesses than anyone else on the team, as does yours. The coaches will play athletes in the positions they need based on those strengths and they will try to use my child to the best advantage of the team, while forgiving those weaknesses. Deciding on who plays and who doesn’t is a minute by minute choice that is at the discretion of the coach.

The team does not "belong" to us. We will all come and go as our time in high school athletics is limited (no matter how many children we have!) The coaches have their hearts and souls invested in this sport and in every team they coach.

Coaches are human beings and have feelings. We are all adults and should be treated as such. All problems can be solved in a civilized, mutually acceptable manner (even if I may not think so at the time). The olive branch is mightier than the sword!

Even when there are times when it is hard to believe, the coaches do have the best interest of each child in mind.

This is high school sports, where the objective is to win. Some added highlights will be developing young men and women’s characters and possibly providing them avenues into colleges of their choice. It is a completely different arena and mind-set than club, rec, Little League, or Pee Wee sports where everyone gets to play and everyone gets a trophy!

The “sporting” community is a small one and yet it spans the entire country. When my child or I treat a coach or teammate badly or create havoc within the team, it will come back to “bite” me, and it does do a great disservice to the community.

Please consider these words for what they may mean for you.  Enjoy high school athletics, the venues, the families you meet, the athletes.  Support your child and his/her teammates and coaches by letting him/her play the sport.  Your athlete truly does know all the dynamics of what happens on the team, and doesn't want a parent's commentary, play-by-play, or meddling.  If you can heed these concepts, your experience is guaranteed to be SO much more enjoyable!